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Do You Have Facebook Envy 2/4/13

A Curated Life

envy There’s a strange phenomenon going on. I’ve encountered several people who have developed a strange condition I call “Facebook Envy.” There’s a tendency to feel less about oneself based upon the images posted by friends and sometimes, complete strangers. It drives me absolutely nuts to hear people tormenting themselves over what amounts to a curated life (coined by my brilliant friend K. Neycha Herford).

Here’s the thing. If you suffer from this kind of envy, you are making a story to string together pictures from an incomplete representation. You are filling in the blanks without knowing true context.

What you won’t see pictures of:

  • Empty bank accounts
  • Extramarital affairs
  • Problem children
  • Overextended credit
  • Bad habits/addictions
  • Insecurities
  • Failing health
  • Depression
  • Dying dreams

 You cannot compete against a distortion of reality. (Tweet this.)

 If you are immersed in the details of someone else’s life, take that energy and invest it in your own. Do the work. Comparison gets you nowhere. Create your own experience. One that gets you excited about where you are and where you’re headed. When you’re thrilled with your own life, you won’t be so quick to covet. 

To cure jealousy is to see it for what it is: dissatisfaction with self. ~Joan Didion

The Evolutionary’s Manifesto available on Amazon ($.99)

“I Haven’t Found Myself…but I’m Still Looking” available on Amazon ($4.99)

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What do you think?

  • imrah March 26, 2013, 10:37 am

    Reading this entry this morning put a smile on my face. You hit the nail on the head with that. People are going bankrupt, deppressed, developing illnesses that affect their quality of life, but will not miss a heart beat on fb getting their fill o gossip and “stalking” others (some of whom they see on a daily basis), as well as formulate their profile to reflect a state in which they are not, instead of spending time in real life doing things that make them happy and working on bettering themselves physically and emotionally. To impact someone else or inspire them we must not insult their intelligence with overly grandiose representations of ourselves, we are humans and we have ups and downs. By the same token many are just on fb and other social networking sites to get their daily dose of gossip and satisfaction. their curiosity out weighs any real concern they may have for you in the greater picture. I got off fb years ago and its been great. I no longer need to entertain virtual questions about “what are you up to” or “how have you been”. How are you doing is a merely a formality the person does not really want to hear the answer to if they are only expressing it through fb. If a friend really wants to know how you are doing they would call you up and make an effort to stay in touch. By the same token a friend would not just try to find out if you are doing well or not when they themselves are not doing well, just to feel better about themselves. I cannot be a true friend and healthy part of society if I cannot be happy for others success even if I am not successful at that moment in time myself. Unfortunately society is plagued with self validation and consolation through other people’s failures or misfortunes.
    When I want to check up on my friend, I call them, try to see them physically. People generally do not want the follow up and that’s what fb relieves people from. They just want to deal with the side of you they like and not the regular human you. That is what fb does, lets people be friends and track each others activity without really having the responsibility of a friendship. Poet Khalil Jibran once said in his works something to the effect of: a true friend is not one who needs something or benefit from you, it is one who just wants you to be well.

    Many people are living lies on fb pretending to have “cookie cutter” lives while they are going through the stuff you mentioned above. I am not saying we MUST share and expose everything in our lives. But at least try to be realistic, and steer away from presenting ourselves in ways because it “fits in” or makes us look appealing to others. Additionally spend more time in real life off fb enhancing ones life developing into what they want to be and doing things that make them happy, so when they reflect “happy” moments on fb its actually authentic

    Your writing style is good and direct i like it

    Reply
    • emelia March 28, 2013, 9:05 pm

      Thanks for your thoughtful response. I agree with so much of what you have said.

      I still have my account but I’ve never been a heavy, heavy user. It just doesn’t resonate with me. I think it’s a great tool, but way too many people distort what it offers. It really is a reflection of what some people tend to do in physical reality but FB and some other platforms offer “visual proof.”

      Just like we do in our physical lives, we need to be just as discriminating online. I think people sometimes forget that.

      I also really like what you said about the follow up. Strong relationships need to be nurtured. Bottom line. And authenticity is KEY!!!

      side note: I love Khalil

      Reply
    • Kourtney May 16, 2017, 2:10 pm

      Plaza23 definitivamente hay que visitar los mejores lugares para tomarse una foto y mostrar de re8s3ro&#g2e0;!! osea no tomarse la foto en el sitio de sino que ya cuando este en el hotel, o un museo jeje

      Reply

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