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Why “You Complete Me” is Total Bull$h!+

urlDon’t believe it. It’s crap. Absolute crap.

Let me save you the trouble. Nobody holds the key to you being “complete”…whatever that means. The desire to use another person to fill something in you that is missing is dangerous behavior. You are only setting yourself up for disappointment.

Note: if you’re into the whole dominatrix thing, no judgment. That’s your business. That’s not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about effectively relinquishing control of your life to something outside of you in order to define yourself.

This is a HUGE problem. It’s not just a theme we find in “romantic” relationships. This is something that many people apply to several aspects of theirs lives. If it’s not the significant other, it their children. If it’s not the children, it’s the luxury home. If it’s not the luxury home, it’s the wardrobe. If it’s not the wardrobe, it’s the job title…and so on and so on.

As long as you’re looking outside of yourself for the next piece, you will always be at a loss. Why? Because there will always be something else you can acquire. It’s an endless pursuit. Besides, anything that is outside of yourself can be taken away from you at any time. Then what?

You aren’t looking for completion. What you want is wholeness.


Wholeness is something that comes from within. It’s an individual state. It’s a gift you give yourself.

Wholeness is being comfortable in your own skin. It’s knowing that you are taken care of. It’s about following your intuition and living your truth. It’s about alignment with your soul’s purpose. It’s about integrity.

Have you been chasing completion or creating wholeness? What things are you allowing to fill you right now? What sort of things have you struggled with in the past? How did you get past them? Leave a comment. This is a conversation worth having.

What do you think?

  • Dale Alexander June 12, 2013, 4:37 pm

    About 3 months ago my whole life changed when I told my wife that she had to make a choice between me and her lies. She has bipolar 1and has not been truthful about things that happened when she was in mania moods. She left and went into a mental hospital. She lied and said that she was a victim of domestic violence( I was asleep and didn’t even know that she had left. You wrote about how, “everything changed – a break-up, a breakdown, and a breakthrough.” I experienced the break up and the break down, but still waiting on my breakthrough. She is out of the hospital and is very, very angry with me, won’t even talk to me. She moved in with strangers that she met on the mental ward. I feel very hurt and confused. I still love her with all of my heart. How do I heal this pain in my heart. I thought that I was doing the right thing, but I not so sure now that she is gone!

  • emelia June 12, 2013, 6:42 pm

    You certainly are going through a lot, Dale…and it’s still very fresh. My heart goes out to you and your wife. The element of untreated mental illness adds a complexity to your situation I can only imagine. I applaud your efforts to no longer live in a space which was not beneficial to either of you. Both of you deserve a peaceful existence.

    Though your heart is hurting, you know at the level of your soul if you did the right thing. And you have to trust that the highest good for each of you will come out of you following that little voice of guidance.

    Perhaps counseling individually and/or for the two of you may help heal the rifts that currently exist. Breakthroughs are different for everyone and most times they take longer than we would like. All we can do in the meantime is to explore our strengths and believe in our ability to navigate the challenges that come our way.

    It’s obvious that you’re a person with a huge capacity to love and when we’re that vulnerable, we also risk the possibility of pain. But to close your heart off would be an unnatural state for you.

    One of my favorite quotes is “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” ~ Rumi
    Wishing you both much light and love. May you receive the breakthrough and peace of mind that belongs to you.


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